“A woman in your arms and not in your heart is like looking at yourself in the mirror while sleeping on a bed of rocks.”
~ Apache saying from Heart of the Initiate – Feri Lessons by Victor and Cora Anderson
A few days ago, I finally got around to watching ‘The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.” In Swedish, the film is titled ‘Män som hatar kvinnor‘ (transl. Men who Hate Women). It’s a much better title in my opinion. The theme is not the dragon tattoo that Lisbeth has on her back, the theme is literally ‘men who hate women.’
Because it is a Swedish film and because I’m a Swedish woman who was abused by a Swedish man, it re-opened a few old wounds for me. Apparently there was stuff still festering because I had a rather strong somatic reaction – I felt the cells of my body almost literally shut down when the memories started flooding back in.
I also developed a bit of a girl crush on Lisbeth Salander, the muscular, slightly autistic and determined female protagonist. She is everything I wish I had been instead of the timid creature I turned into – a woman who on some level bought the lies she was fed during her childhood about how she was a bitch, whore (just like her mother), lazy, fat, worthless… A woman who had had these lies beaten into her by a man who clearly hated women.
I remember struggling for years with forgiving my abuser. I rationalised and blamed the childhood abuse he had to endure. But the rationale never stretched quite far enough… because if that were true, I myself would have had no choice but to beat my own children up. That’s why I love Lisbeth’s anger at Michael’s defence of the serial rapist and killer Martin who had been shown how to strangle his first female victim at age 16 by his father.
I rationalised about forgiving for me rather than for him but really that should be called forgetting rather than forgiving. It’s a conscious moving on and letting go and has nothing to do with the person who harmed me and made my life hell for so many years and because of whom I’m still not able to get a decent night’s sleep as I was convinced he was going to kill me in my sleep.
If I’m honest (and that’s the only way to be), I find the anger I still feel useful as fuel in helping other victims and in looking for ways to bring more balance into this patriarchal shit hole of a planet where women who have been raped or physically abused are ‘victim blamed’ and slut shamed.
The time has come to shame the real ‘sluts,’ the men who rape women or use them to masturbate with. They have another thing coming if they think they can keep on keeping on. More women like Lisbeth will awaken every day… but not only physically strong and intelligent women; the awakening of the witches is at hand. I’d run now if I were you, rapists and cowards.
No more Ms Nice Witch. We have weapons and we will use them… and God help those worm-like creatures who rape and abuse children because Lucifer certainly won’t. There is nothing spiritual in turning the other cheek rather than defending yourself or the defenceless innocents.
Men who hate women, you’re going down. Mama’s coming for you.