Men Who Hate Women

"I'm a sadist pig and a rapist"

“I’m a sadist pig and a rapist” – Lisbeth’s revenge on Bjurman

 

“A woman in your arms and not in your heart is like looking at yourself in the mirror while sleeping on a bed of rocks.”
~ Apache saying from Heart of the Initiate – Feri Lessons by Victor and Cora Anderson

A few days ago, I finally got around to watching ‘The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.” In Swedish, the film is titled ‘Män som hatar kvinnor‘ (transl. Men who Hate Women). It’s a much better title in my opinion. The theme is not the dragon tattoo that Lisbeth has on her back, the theme is literally ‘men who hate women.’

Because it is a Swedish film and because I’m a Swedish woman who was abused by a Swedish man, it re-opened a few old wounds for me. Apparently there was stuff still festering because I had a rather strong somatic reaction – I felt the cells of my body almost literally shut down when the memories started flooding back in.

I also developed a bit of a girl crush on Lisbeth Salander, the muscular, slightly autistic and determined female protagonist. She is everything I wish I had been instead of the timid creature I turned into – a woman who on some level bought the lies she was fed during her childhood about how she was a bitch, whore (just like her mother), lazy, fat, worthless… A woman who had had these lies beaten into her by a man who clearly hated women.

I remember struggling for years with forgiving my abuser. I rationalised and blamed the childhood abuse he had to endure. But the rationale never stretched quite far enough… because if that were true, I myself would have had no choice but to beat my own children up. That’s why I love Lisbeth’s anger at Michael’s defence of the serial rapist and killer Martin who had been shown how to strangle his first female victim at age 16 by his father.

I rationalised about forgiving for me rather than for him but really that should be called forgetting rather than forgiving. It’s a conscious moving on and letting go and has nothing to do with the person who harmed me and made my life hell for so many years and because of whom I’m still not able to get a decent night’s sleep as I was convinced he was going to kill me in my sleep.

If I’m honest (and that’s the only way to be), I find the anger I still feel useful as fuel in helping other victims and in looking for ways to bring more balance into this patriarchal shit hole of a planet where women who have been raped or physically abused are ‘victim blamed’ and slut shamed.

The time has come to shame the real ‘sluts,’ the men who rape women or use them to masturbate with. They have another thing coming if they think they can keep on keeping on.  More women like Lisbeth will awaken every day… but not only physically strong and intelligent women; the awakening of the witches is at hand. I’d run now if I were you, rapists and cowards.

No more Ms Nice Witch. We have weapons and we will use them… and God help those worm-like creatures who rape and abuse children because Lucifer certainly won’t. There is nothing spiritual in turning the other cheek rather than defending yourself or the defenceless innocents.

Men who hate women, you’re going down. Mama’s coming for you.

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7 comments

  1. Susan · April 2

    Excellent article. You are so strong for sharing your experiences and being a role model for others to be open and honest with their own abuses and pains.

  2. Julie · April 2

    Amen sister!

  3. Dewin Nefol · April 2

    Hey Lisa,

    I’m always very moved by truthful words that tell of pain and sadness. They somehow linger with me, and your words were no exception. I truly am so very sorry to hear of what happened to you.

    I find myself ashamed of my fellow man. There can be no defence of a man who strikes out a woman…evermore so the woman that he has made the choice to love and hold and cherish. Such an action is the final insult and betrayal of her. It is an abandonment and defilement of her love. And it is in the larger sense a denunciation of God and ultimately of humanity as well. I do not understand quite what possesses a man’s heart or drives him to behave in such a dark and destructive way. I can only hope that at some point in his life he will recognise how far from grace he had fallen, and in the process of seeking forgiveness find compassion replacing anger in his heart.

    I have a lot of admiration for you Lisa in the manner by which you have rebuilt and redefined your life. It takes considerable strength and a highly determined effort to raise oneself above the effects of such brutal circumstances and to still retain a wholesome and uncompromising passion and vitality for life and to believe in what and who you are and to encourage others who find themselves equally as compromised to liberate themselves as well. Your Blog is always stimulating and supportive in that way and always promotes the well fare and independence of women. Your message of forgetting rather than forgiving has some truth in it, yet unless the burning heart can always be so assured that the memory of a past time does not encroach on the present, is it not sometimes better just to let it go? Bitterness and un-forgiveness set their hooks so deep in our hearts, they are chains that hold us captive to the wounds and the memories and messages of these wounds. Channelling negative energy can be effective, but sometimes it is not sustainable and just continues to keep alive the flame of a fire than might be better extinguished. Forgiveness is a virtuous gift from God, a blessing that we can choose to exercise by free will. It will never denote weakness or submission in God’s eyes but rather it will always reinforce one’s personal strength by providing freedom in your heart and mind and affirming your faith still further. It is of course a profoundly personal choice and not something that can be considered lightly. Either way, I hope that you have found happiness again and that you have love in your life, and that in the giving and receiving of that love you find the strength to continue and the comfort and support you need.

    I cannot deny that there is evil, ugliness and depravity in life, and most of it at the hand of man. A patriarchal domination of the world has unwittingly corrupted our lives and enforced itself upon us all. And always it is women who have taken the brunt of it, indeed looking back through history it seems that this huge injustice has always prevailed. I think that you are quite right to determine that change must take place, and that change must be on a global basis. Quite how this will happen is difficult to determine, but happen it must. The world is totally out of equilibrium, and the savagery, brutality, and evil that exists cannot continue. I very much think there are many opportunities to utilise media technologies to best effect, and to do so in a way that encourages the many individual voices who cry out for change to amalgamate in union so that their one voice becomes that which sings with a single common objective loud enough to be heard. Perhaps it will be ultimately be people like yourself who become the initiators of change, who are able to see further and know more deeply of the injustices that prevail in life, and who put themselves forward to encourage other like-minded souls to do the same. There are thousands and thousands of websites out there who authoress’s display a wide spectrum of personal skills, educational achievements, experiences of life, unique qualities and abilities, business specialisms, esoteric knowledge and its application etc…and all these woman hold the power and secrets of womanhood within them, and in this lies the power of collective unity and the force of life. So who knows what would happen if the true power of ‘collective’ women did shine forth with the power to bring Love, Compassion, Empathy and Grace back to the world? It’s just a thought.

    As I always do after reading your Blog, I drew 2 cards from the tarot deck, and might consider drawing a 3rd as well. The drawing of the cards were for you, I hope that is okay? The first two cards I drew were: the Sun, and Judgement. I’m sure you’ll know better than I the meaning of these two cards? And the 3rd card I’ll draw for myself: The Magician…perhaps a little magic will prevail in my work after all.

    Good luck with the A – Z

    Namaste

    DN – 07/04/14

    P>S: I like the change of photo :)

  4. missugly82 · April 2

    Wow. Brilliant article Lisa. Your own strength shines through your words. And your anger and determination lol. It’s about time men realized women aren’t play toys for their sexual gratification. More and more women are realising the power they have. Men ruling the planet is well and truly over. xx

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